Wednesday, October 5, 2011

There is more

I woke up this morning with one thought on my mind: Something is missing. And when something is missing, this means there is more! I’m in such a unique season, it’s like I don’t know what is next. Every day is a day of faith. Have you ever tried to do things that worked before to resolve something, but when you did it again it did not work? Like doing old things and ways in a new season. It won’t work. This makes me think of the new/old wine skins scripture that Jesus talked about. (Mark 2:18-22).

I really believe that our deepest longings can only be filled by God. We were created to be in His presence from the beginning of time and even though sin had separated us from that, the desire is still there. Intense desire. There so many other things I could say it is that would fulfill this longing: The new job I have been looking and believing God for, the blessed husband and family of my own that I deeply desire that God has promised, ministry affecting millions of lives, family members and friends getting saved, etc. etc. I look forward to these prayers and desires becoming realized in my life any moment now and I know they will bring joy to my life for sure, but even then, there is more. I can’t expect these people that I love and positions to be my all, that’s like putting them in the place of god!

Someone that I really look up to and who is a mentor to me (even though I have never formally met her) is Joann Rosario. On her twitter page one day recently she put “Nothing compares to the real presence of our living God.” Lately singing has not done it, dancing has not done it, screaming to the top of my lungs have not done it, crying has not done it. Although these outward expressions are certainly responses to His presence, there comes a time where there is more required. We can’t “think” our way into God’s presence, lol. That may sound funny but sometimes I try to conger up what I’m gonna do and He is like “No daughter, it’s not by might or by power, but by my spirit. I know that I am experiencing this because He requires more in this season and I look forward to the breakthrough in His presence. I believe that I will never be the same again, EVER, but there is a cost to really remaining in His presence and being used to usher in His presence.

Sometimes, like now as I’m typing this I feel like “Lord, I’m tired, what do I need to do” and I hear Him saying so clearly, “How much do you want it, how intense is your desire”? Think about it, when we really want something we go after that thing. Why would we not do the very same if not more to get to God. His arms are wide open! I just keep seeing this picture in my head of me running to Jesus with all my heart and might, but yet in this picture he’s right there with me.

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